Archives for August 2010

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Mommy is a pineapple

August 25, 2010 By

George has been preoccupied with pineapples lately. About two weeks ago, when we were driving home from somewhere, he suddenly announced that he wanted to go to the store. He wouldn’t tell us which store he wanted to visit or what he wanted to buy there, but he did start giving us directions in the form of pointing and saying “this way that way” in his sweet lyrical voice. We were curious to see where this was going to lead, so we followed his directions and ended up parked outside our regular grocery store. As soon as we walked in, George ran to the fresh produce section and picked out a pineapple. Gerard and I looked at each other, shrugged, and paid for the pineapple.

George spent the remainder of that afternoon proudly carrying his pineapple around.  He was beaming from ear to ear as if he’d won the lottery. The following day he wanted the pineapple cut up. Thinking he wanted to eat some, I obliged, but all he wanted was the spiky leafy bit at the top. That was his prized possession for the next three days. He kept walking up to family members to see how the pineapple top would look on top of their heads. This gave him endless giggles.

A week passed, the pineapple top eventually got discarded, and all of us thought the moment had passed. But then there were demands for another trip to the grocery store. As before, George acquired a pineapple, but this time he had definite plans for it. As soon as we got home, he put the pineapple down on a table and started rooting around in his box of Mr. Potato Head parts.  Five minutes later, the transformation was complete. Plain Old Pineapple had morphed into Mr. Pineapple Head. It had a full complement of facial features, two arms, and a pair of shoes.  The hair, obviously, was built-in.

This was so cool! The kid made a plan! He was immensely proud of his creation, and rightfully so.

George and Mr. Pineapple Head

The following day, I was lying on the couch watching some meaningless show on TV. George was sitting beside me admiring Mr. Pineapple Head, who was occupying pride of place on the coffee table.  All of a sudden, he turned to me with a glint of mischief in his eyes, and proclaimed, “Mommy is a pineapple!”

The air filled with the sound of his glorious laughter, and I bathed in the feeling that this perfect mother-and-son moment gave me.

Filed Under: Children, Play Tagged With: , , ,
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Remembering Dad

August 13, 2010 By

On another Friday the Thirteenth 73 years ago, my Dad was born.  He shares his birthday with Fidel Castro (who he couldn’t stand) and Alfred Hitchcock (who he greatly admired). Dad’s birthday is always a bittersweet occasion for me. Bitter because I feel sadness that he is no longer with us. Sweet because even though he’s gone, his birthday is a reminder that his life should be celebrated.

I have tremendous admiration for both of my parents. Now that I’m a parent myself, I have an appreciation for what a tough job it is. In a way, my parents had more parenting challenges than I have, simply because they had no idea where their children were coming  from. My brother and I are both adopted, and adoptions were done very differently back then. There was no disclosure, no sharing of information, no opportunity for the birth mother to even meet, let alone choose, the adoptive parents. It was by pure chance, a cosmic roll of the dice, that I ended up with the parents I got.

Fate did well by me. If I had been able to choose my parents, I think I would have chosen the ones I got. I did not appreciate them enough when I was a kid (because what child ever does?) and I would not attempt to claim that my parents were perfect. I can say, however, that if I am a tenth as good a parent as either my Mom or my Dad, then my kids are very lucky. I am fortunate to still have Mom. She may live on the other side of the world to me, but she is still mentor, adviser, critic when she needs to be, friend, confidante, and above all, Mom.

As I think about my Dad, I see snippets of my life played back like a slideshow. Me and Dad at a father-and-daughter square dancing event when I was seven. Going for a ride in his vintage sports car. Watching the Olympics with him when we were both bunged up with colds. Our shared love of reading that generated trips to the library followed by a cup of juice, and as I got older, coffee. The tax returns he did for me each year because I couldn’t figure out how to do them myself.

I made stupid mistakes in my youth. That’s what young people do. Their brains are not wired for wise decisions, which is why they need parents. Dad, being older and infinitely wiser than me, would see the mistakes coming and warn me. Being young and impulsive, I would do something stupid anyway and find myself in the middle of a crisis. Dad would always be there to help me pick up the pieces of my life, and he was kind enough to never say that he’d told me so.

I will never forget the moment when Dad saw his newborn grandson for the first time. He and Mom were exhausted, fresh off the plane from South Africa. They had come from the airport straight to the hospital to see George, who was then just one day old. As I placed the baby into Mom’s arms and then Dad’s, it was like slotting the final piece into a jigsaw puzzle to complete the picture. Grandparenthood fulfilled something in both of them, though it is hard to define exactly what. My sadness at the fact that my boys are growing up without their Granddad is countered by the knowledge that my Dad, for all too brief a time, experienced the joy of being a grandparent.

Dad died almost six years ago, taken from us all too soon by cancer. I choose to believe that he is still around, that from some vantage point, he is watching his grandchildren grow up. I choose to believe that when I participate in races, Dad – who was one of the top marathoners of his day – is running right along with me. I hope he is proud of me, and happy with the job he did as a parent.

Rest in peace, Dad. I love and miss you.
~ Cyril James Jessiman ~
~ 13 August 1937 – 6 December 2004 ~

Filed Under: Bereavement, parenting Tagged With: , , ,
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Band-Aid solution

August 9, 2010 By

This morning I had one of those little moments with George that I love so much, one of those “Wow” moments that indicate progress. I was engaged in my usual frenetic morning activity – getting myself ready, getting James ready, trying to find time to cram some breakfast into me, trying to keep up with James’ constant chatter and questions about why birds have feathers. George was still in his pyjamas – his morning routine is his Dad’s responsibility – and he was wandering around counting in his sweet little sing-song voice. I noticed him heading towards the stairs, and somewhat absently, I said, “George, where are you going?” George replied, “Upstairs”, and upstairs he went. I continued with whatever I was doing, and it was only about ten minutes later, when I was trying to shoehorn a reluctant James into his socks, that I suddenly thought, “Holy crap! George appropriately answered a ‘Where’ question!”

George’s speech – or the lack thereof – is a source of deep concern to Gerard and myself. We know that he can speak – in other words, he has the physical capacity to do so. We know from the sentences that he constructs out of fridge magnets that he has the vocabulary and the ability to string a decent sentence together.  He simply chooses not to talk. I don’t think he has anything against it, he just doesn’t see the point of it. He doesn’t see speech as a social communication tool, he sees it as a functional tool to be used only when he wants something and is not able to get it himself. This is why, when George answers a question so naturally and spontaneously instead of simply giving me a blank gaze and going on his way, it is a big deal. We are starting to see these little glimpses into a world of language for George, and it never fails to lift our spirits.

We had one of those glimpses about a week ago, when I was in the house doing the never-diminishing pile of laundry (I have come to the conclusion that clothes in laundry baskets actually reproduce) and George was playing in the sprinkler in the back yard. All of a sudden I heard him cry out in what sounded like pain. With James on my heels, I went out to see what was going on, and there he was, sitting on one of the patio chairs clutching his foot.  I asked him what was wrong, and he looked me right in the eye and said, “I need a Band-Aid”.  James, bless his little heart, immediately said, “I’ll get them!” and he hotfooted it into the house. While James was inside, I coaxed George into showing me his big toe, which had a cut on it from a thorn on a weed.

Now, previously, George would have simply freaked out.  The sight of blood, even a little bit of it, scares him a lot, to the point where he can barely function. But this time, he had presence of mind to hold it together for long enough to identify and label exactly what was needed. Once he had communicated it to me, he allowed himself to fall apart a little. He was visibly relieved when James came flying out of the house with the Band-Aids, and once the wound had been covered up, he calmed down completely.

I immediately went through the sequence of events with him. George got hurt. George knew he needed a Band-Aid. George asked for a Band-Aid. George got a Band-Aid, and now George is OK. That simple reinforcement was intended to cement in his mind that when he speaks, things happen that relate directly to what he is saying.

Now, if only that were the case when I try talking to my husband while he is channel-surfing…

Filed Under: autism Tagged With: , , ,