Archives for August 2013

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Race Report: Toronto Women’s 10K

August 31, 2013 By

TO Womens 10K 2013

The night before the Toronto Women’s 10K, I realized that I did not have a strategy for the race, nor did I have any kind of goal. And since I had just carbo-loaded on beer and chicken wings at the pub down the road, I didn’t feel motivated to give my race-day plan any thought. I laid out my outfit, set my alarm clock and went to bed. As I drove to the race the following morning, feeling a little the worse for wear, I decided that my strategy would be to simply finish the race. If I could come in somewhere under the 1:05:00 mark, which would put me at my average training pace, then so much the better.

I got to start area, picked up my race kit and got myself organized. I checked my bag, and with half an hour to go before the gun, I impulsively decided to warm up. This was a giant departure from my usual pre-race routine. Usually I arrive at the start area in a mad flap and spend half an hour in the Porta-Potty lineup before rushing to the start line as the gun is going off. The concept of taking the time to warm up is a novel one.

I ran a slow 2km, and then lined up at the start line with ten minutes to spare. The warm-up appeared to have worked, because when the race started I felt nicely loosened up. I didn’t have to spend time finding my rhythm. However, as usual, I went out too fast for the first three kilometres or so.

My usual strategy would have been to just keep running at a faster-than-wise pace until running out of steam, and then to huff and puff like the Big Bad Wolf for the last two or three kilometres. I have a pattern of maintaining a fabulous pace for the first three-quarters of a race and then letting it all fall apart at the end.

This time, I deliberately slowed down a little for the fourth and fifth kilometres. That gave me the opportunity to catch my breath and pick up the pace again for the second half of the race. I was able to keep up a good pace throughout, and even managed a big smile for the firemen who were manning the aid stations. When I started to feel rough during the 9th kilometre, I kept my mind on the prize. Not the finisher’s medal (although I was looking forward to that too), but the chocolate that was waiting for me on the other side of the finish line.

Passing the final kilometre marker in a race is always a boost for me. I know that at that point, with just one kilometre to go, I only have a few more minutes of running left. I usually have a great finishing kick, probably because I know that the faster I go, the sooner I can stop. The end of this race was even better than most. I ran the last kilometre in less than six minutes, finishing in a time of 1:02:13.

Considering my choice of beverage the previous night, I was very happy with this. After collecting my finisher’s medal, I happily sat on the grass enjoying my post-race snack.

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This is an original post by Kirsten Doyle.

Photo credits:
Kirsten Doyle approaching finish line: Ryder Photography
Chocolate shot: Kirsten Doyle

Filed Under: Race, Race Strategy, running, Toronto Women's 10K Tagged With: , , , , ,
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Back To School Musings Of An Autism Mom

August 26, 2013 By

George writing words

A week from now, the kids will be going back to school, and I’m not sure whether to jump for joy or quiver with worry.

On the one hand, the kids being back in school will mean more time for me. Being home with them for the summer was a circumstance that I found myself in due to my unexpected unemployment, and it’s been quite a revelation. I have enjoyed it, but I do have new respect for stay-at-home moms – especially those who homeschool their kids. I am looking forward to being able to spend time by myself to focus on my job search efforts.

On the other hand, back-to-school time is always a bit of an ordeal for my older son George. After two months at home, his school routine has gone completely out the window. He has to relearn the whole process of getting up at a certain time, getting onto a school bus and being expected to spend each day in the classroom. For most kids – like my younger son – this represents a resumption of an already known routine. But for kids with autism, it’s like starting a whole new routine all over again.

Autism and new routines go together about as well as tuna and chocolate syrup. In addition to the daytime disruptions, George goes through insomnia while he’s adjusting to the transition. Which means we’re in for about six weeks of not sleeping.

With George going into 5th grade, this is old hat to us. We do whatever preparation we can. We use social stories, drive through the school parking lot from time to time throughout the month of August, and start easing into school-like morning routines during the last two weeks of the holidays. And then, when school resumes, we just brace ourselves and deal with it as best we can.

We go through the transition with the attitude that “this too shall pass”. Because it always does. We won’t necessarily see things get easier from one day to the next, but one morning George will wake up and be completely OK with going to school. He will get dressed and stay in his clothes instead of changing back into his pyjamas at the last minute. He will calmly get onto the bus and fasten his own seatbelt. When he comes home in the afternoon, he will be happy. That night, he will sleep. For the whole night.

Once George gets over the bump of going back to school each year, he does quite well. His brain is like a sponge, and although progress on his speech and social skills is oh-so-slow, it is definitely there.

I am nervous about the start of the school year, but I am excited to see what the year will bring for George.

This is an original post by Kirsten Doyle. Photo credit to the author.

Filed Under: autism, back-to-school, Routines, Transition Tagged With: , , , , , , ,
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Eight Car-Travel Tips For Autism Families

August 15, 2013 By

2012-06-22 10.45.12

I am very fortunate to have a child with autism who is a good traveler. We haven’t braved planes with him yet, but he does very well on public transportation and in the car. Even so, we have to put careful planning into lengthy drives to ensure that he stays safe and happy, and that the rest of the family survives with all their wits intact.

1. Make sure the child locks are engaged. Most neurotypical kids are aware of the dangers of opening the car door while the car is in motion. A kid with autism might tug on the door handle just to see what happens, without regard for the possible consequences. If you don’t know how to set the child locks, read the manual. If you’re in the market for a new car, check it out for safety features with your special needs child in mind.

2. Kids who have trouble with car travel should be eased into it gradually. If your child cannot get as far as the grocery store without melting down, don’t plan a road trip to the other end of the country. Experiment with a few trips of 30 minutes or so. During those trips, try different activities and snacks, until you figure out what works.

3. If you’re going on a long trip, plan your route to include stops at parks or play areas. We all benefit from getting out of the car and moving around from time to time, and it’s good for all kids to expend their energy. For kids with autism, there is an added consideration: those who are sensory-seeking may have a particularly difficult time sitting still in a car, so those activity breaks are often a necessity for them.

4. Some kids with autism cannot tolerate bright light. You might be able to make the trip a lot easier by investing in a shade for the window beside your child. The shades are easily applied with suction cups, and you might be able to leave it to your child to decide whether they are open or closed.

5. When deciding what to bring with you, stick with what you know your child likes. Buying a new toy especially for the trip may backfire. If your child stims by repeatedly stacking eight identical pieces of Lego, bring them along. If he reads the same book over and over, don’t leave that book at home. New stuff might create anxiety and frustration, whereas comfort can be found in the familiar items.

6. If you are planning to hit the road at night with the hope that your child will sleep, follow the usual bedtime routine immediately before you leave. It may still be a little disruptive, but your child will at least be geared for the idea of going to sleep. You may even get away with putting a smaller child to bed and then carrying him to the car once he’s gone to sleep.

7. Be prepared for the possibility of meltdowns. It can happen to the most accomplished of car travelers. If you use reinforcers (in our case, gummy bears), bring along a good supply. Think of your usual strategies for containing or diffusing meltdowns, and consider how you can modify them for use in a moving car (if you can stop, great – but you may not be able to pull over right away).

8. Don’t be 100% focused on the needs of your child with autism. The truth is that no matter how well prepared you are, unexpected things can happen. If you have taken the time to make sure everyone in the car has what they need for an enjoyable trip, the overall ambiance will be a lot more relaxed. That can make the world of difference to the child with autism, and to everybody else who is on the trip.

This is an original post by Kirsten Doyle, published in accordance with my disclosure policy. Photo credit to the author.

 

Filed Under: autism, Car Trips, Meltdown, parenting, Road Trip Tagged With: , , , , , , , , ,
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Part Of The Family

August 13, 2013 By

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When my father-in-law died a little more than ten years ago, things were a little overwhelming. I was almost four months pregnant with my older son and my brain was in a fog. On top of that, I found myself meeting most of my husband’s extended family for the first time, en masse, at the funeral.

In most families, this would mean a few cousins, uncles and aunts, and maybe the odd niece or nephew. But while my husband’s immediate family is small (he is one of two boys), there are several aunts and uncles, and dozens of first, second and third cousins, plus their respective husbands and wives, boyfriends and girlfriends. There are so many of them that it took several weddings, funerals and christenings before I could remember all of their names.

At this particular gathering – my father-in-law’s funeral – it was all too much. Don’t get me wrong, my husband’s family are lovely people, as are their families. But in my pregnant, emotional state, it was overwhelming to meet so many new people at an already stressful event, and to try and fit in as the newest member-by-marriage of the family.

This was exacerbated by the fact that we also announced my pregnancy to most of the family that day.

You know how it goes. “Hi, I’m Kirsten. By the way, I’m popping out a baby a few months from now.”

OK, it wasn’t exactly like that, but you get the picture.

At the post-funeral shindig at my mother-in-law’s house, the alcohol flowed freely. This is an Irish family, after all. You can’t give a beloved Irish patriarch a decent send-off without drinking a few toasts in celebration of his life. I so badly wanted to grab a bottle of red and retreat to the nearest corner, but I didn’t think my unborn child would appreciate that. I halfheartedly drank some orange juice and then wandered through the crowds to the dining room, where the food had been laid out. I might not have been able to drink, but I could sure as hell eat. As soon as the morning sickness wore off, there was no end to my appetite.

The food looked lovely. My mother-in-law and her sisters had made some appetizers and heated up lasagna, and there was food that looked as if it had come straight from the catalog for Subway sandwich platters – which wouldn’t have been a bad idea, given the number of people there.

Sadly though, I couldn’t eat it. In spite of the variety, the beautiful presentation, and the fact that the table was virtually collapsing under the weight of all the platters and salad bowls and casserole dishes, there was absolutely nothing there that I wanted to eat. Contrarily, all I wanted was Taco Bell, which was strange because when I was in a non-pregnant state, Taco Bell food had always made me gag.

In spite of the snow, I went outside. There was nothing else for me to do. I couldn’t drink, I couldn’t eat, and I was all peopled out. Standing by myself in the snow was just what I needed.

The crisp cold air must have done something to clear my head, because after a few minutes, I suddenly felt OK. I went back inside, ate some of the food that just minutes before had turned my stomach, and spent time with the family, my family, the village who would become a part of raising my child.

This is an original post by Kirsten Doyle, published in accordance with my disclosure policy.

Photo credit to ellieward90. This picture has a creative commons attribution license.

Filed Under: Death, family, First Impressions, Pregnancy Tagged With: , , , , , , ,
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What Do You Tell A Child When Another Child Dies?

August 11, 2013 By

 

Luke

Luke

Last weekend, I received word that a friend’s seven-year-old son, Luke, was in ICU after a near-drowning incident. I kept near-constant vigil at my computer during my waking hours, anxiously waiting for updates, and when I got the news that Luke had died, I took it very hard. As a human being, as a parent, as the mother of a seven-year-old boy – this tragedy hit very close to home.

As I have tried to make sense of the emotions that have been swilling around in my head all week, I have grappled with the question of what to tell my younger son, James.

The concept of death is not new to James. He got a rude introduction to it in Kindergarten, when his teacher died of pneumonia. The teacher had been very popular among the kids; James had absolutely adored him, and had a hard time understanding that he’d never see him again.

In the three years since then, he has developed a reasonably healthy attitude to the fact that people die. He asks about his grandfathers and how they died, and he talks about angels and souls and stuff like that. He is sad when people close to us die, but he accepts that it is part of the circle of life.

This is different, though. Old people dying is part of the circle of life. Children dying is an idea that just doesn’t fit. The mere thought of it has a jarring effect, as if you’re listening to soft classical music and hear a sudden blast of ear-splitting heavy metal. I wasn’t sure if James was ready to be introduced to this concept, especially since he had never met Luke.

Just as I had decided not to tell him, he came up to me as I was looking at a picture of Luke that his mother had posted on her Facebook wall. He asked me about the little boy in the picture, and I found myself telling him that Luke was now an angel. This led to a discussion that was hard for both of us.

For all his bull-in-a-china-shop approach to life, James is a sensitive child with a natural sense of empathy, and he was genuinely sad as he looked at Luke’s picture. He talked about how he’d never get to play with Luke, and he expressed concern for Luke’s mother.

“She must be so sad,” he said. “Is she going to be OK?”

I told him that yes, Luke’s mother was very sad, and I assured him that she had lots of people around her who would make sure she was OK.

There was a pause, and then he said, “Mommy, if I died, would you be OK?”

I couldn’t answer him. I was too busy trying to hold my rapidly dissolving composure. I just held him as close to me as I possibly could.

A few minutes later, his little voice piped up again.

“Mommy, I’m scared. Kids can die, and there are so many ways to die.”

This was a tough one. How was I going to strike the balance between realism and reassurance? I couldn’t say, “Don’t worry, it won’t happen to you or your brother”, especially since this whole discussion had arisen from an unexpected tragedy. And I couldn’t say, “Yes, accidents can happen at any time”, because that would freak the poor child out and make him afraid of leaving the house.

And so I decided to focus on probabilities. If we only cross the street when the pedestrian light is green, there’s far less chance of being hit by a car. If we don’t answer the door to strangers, they won’t kidnap us. If we eat the right foods and run around in the back yard every day, we will get sick less often and we’ll get better faster.

In other words, staying safe and healthy does not guarantee that something won’t happen, but it does vastly improve our chances. It’s good to be cautious and mindful of potential danger, but we have to live our lives.

As I spoke to James, his fears seemed to ease. Since then, he has returned to the topic a few times, and as hard as it is, I am glad that the original discussion opened a door for him to talk about a subject that is important.

Later on that day, James came up to me and said, “Mommy, I’m still sad for Luke’s mommy, but I’m not so worried about her anymore.”

“Why is that?” I asked.

“Because Luke is still alive in her heart, and he can hug her from the inside.”

This is an original post by Kirsten Doyle. The picture of Luke is reproduced with the kind permission of Janice Zimmerman.

 

Filed Under: Children, Death, life, Loss, parenting, Tragedy Tagged With: , , , , , , , , ,
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10 Awesome Things About The 2013 Durham Quarter Marathon

August 6, 2013 By

 

Crossing the start line - there I am, wearing number 7!

Crossing the start line – there I am to the left, in the pink shirt and white hat!

1. There was free undercover parking just a block away from the start line. It was refreshing, not having to walk half the distance of the race just to get from my car to the start.

2. The race kit included some nice goodies, including a water bottle (runners can never have too many of those) and a super-cool race shirt that actually fits properly.

3. The cause is just too worthy for words. This race benefits The Refuge, which helps homeless youth. Runners were given a practical way to help: the race kit was packaged in a sturdy cardboard box, which could later be filled with donations like food and diapers, and returned to The Refuge.

4. This race was a fairly small event – about 600 participants. This gave it a strong community feel, and it meant short Porta-Potty lineups.

5. The course is fantastic. The unusual distance (10.549km) appeals to my quirky nature, and most of it is run on park trails. The course doesn’t lend itself to crowd support, but it is scenic and has plenty of natural shade.

6. The finish line is at a lower elevation than the start line, meaning that most of the run is downhill. It’s not as easy as it sounds, though, because most of the downhill bits are in the first half. There are a couple of monster hills in the second half. Last year I was able to power up the first of these hills, but faded going up the second one. This year, I paced myself more sensibly in the beginning of the race, and I was able to tackle both hills head-on.

7. This year the finish line was moved to the parking lot. Runners veered off the lakeside trail and ran in a loop around the parking lot to the finish. The layout lent itself to great crowd support at the finish, and the show-off in me appreciated this. The extra cheers spurred on a great finishing kick.

8. There was a lot going on in the finish line area – enough to keep tired runners fed, hydrated, massaged and entertained – but not so much that it was overwhelming. I didn’t have to fight my way through crowds to get what I needed, and I enjoyed meandering around the various displays while I ate my post-race banana.

9. All of the volunteers on the course, and at the start and finish areas, were so nice. One in particular – the lady who retrieved my bag from the baggage check – engaged me in friendly conversation, and seemed genuinely thrilled that I had had such a good race. That little interaction added a nice personal touch to the event.

10. The shuttle bus was not a school bus, like it is at many other races. I always feel sorry for the kids who have to ride on those things every day. They have to plunk their bums on a seat that’s as comfortable as a two-by-four, and then get bounced around like jelly-beans. At this race, I got to ride back to the start line area in a bus with comfy padded seats.

Thank you to the organizers, volunteers, police officers, spectators and fellow runners for making the Durham Quarter Marathon such a fun event. I will be back next year – this race has earned a permanent place on my annual race calendar.

This is an original post by Kirsten Doyle. Photo credit to the Durham Quarter Marathon.

Filed Under: Durham Quarter Marathon, Race, running, The Refuge Tagged With: , , , , , , , , ,