Sometimes, I look at my older son George and lament the fact that he is growing up so quickly. He is ten now, and he has grown too big to sit on my lap. He is the same height as my mother-in-law and he has outgrown four pairs of shoes in the last year. The most scary thing of all is that he has started to show signs of early puberty. Before I know it, I will be dealing with the mysterious combination of autism and adolescence. He is going to keep getting taller and stronger, his voice will deepen, and he will get old enough to shave.
But then I have mornings like today. I always wake up earlier than anyone else, curl up on the couch with coffee and my phone, and have some quiet time to myself. I check my emails, see what’s happening on Facebook, maybe play games for a while. It’s my way of gently easing myself into the day before the the rest of the world wakes up.
This morning I was playing a few Words With Friends moves when George came padding into the room. He flopped down on the couch beside me and draped his lanky arms around my neck for hug as he rested his head on my shoulder. We sat like that for a few minutes, just the two of us in our own little universe, and then he lay down on one end of the couch, appropriating the blanket that I had been using.
I looked over at my boy, at his hair that was all mussed-up and his face that was puffy from sleep, and he gave me a gentle smile. In that moment, he looked young and vulnerable.
And I realised that no matter how old and big he gets, he will always be my baby.
This is an original post by Kirsten Doyle. Photo credit to the author.
These are the moments that make mothering worthwhile, don’t you think? Unexpected love from a son is always super sweet. Last night I had a special moment with my oldest (turning 21 in 10 days … yikes!). My son usually doesn’t talk much, doesn’t display much emotion and seldom hugs. Last night was special because he opened up to me. We talked about a lot of things but (mostly) about how much he loves us and how passionately he feels about protecting us from anyone who “talks badly behind our backs”. I have always been super proud of him (even when it was hard to “feel the love” from him). Last night was awesome because (for the first time in a very long time) he left me in no doubt that the love IS there and that (no matter what) nothing and nobody will ever come between us! 🙂
Two little things:
1. autism + adolescence is not always horrific. That’s not to say that it never is – I know lots of people who entered a whole new world of stress when their kid entered adolescence. But sometimes it goes the other way, too. That influx of new hormones was the best thing that ever happened to Eric.
2. Not even a month ago I gazed at my 6’8″ 17-year-old and whined, “won’t you come and sit on my lap???” They will ALWAYS be our babies. (thankfully, Eric refused my lap, which is good because he outweighs me by about 120lbs.)