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Oscar Pistorius: The Story We Don’t Know

February 14, 2013 By

As the parent of a child with a disability, I am always inspired by people who overcome all kinds of odds to accomplish amazing things. We need something to hold onto, us special needs parents. Specifically, we need hope. We need to know that given the right opportunities and encouragement, our kids have the potential to succeed. We don’t expect them to win the Nobel Prize or win gold medals at the Olympics, but we want to know that they have it in them to lead happy and productive lives.

When a South African athlete by the name of Oscar Pistorius became the first disabled man to compete in both the regular Olympics and the Paralympics in London last year, I was awestruck. Dubbed as the fastest man on no legs, Pistorius has been breaking world records left, right and centre.

I have been very vocal in my admiration for this man. As a runner, I am impressed with his sheer athletic talent. As a human being, I have been inspired by his spirit, and his nothing-can-stop-me attitude. I’ve never had a sense of him feeling sorry for himself. Instead, he’s just accepted the fact that he doesn’t have legs, and he’s kind of gotten on with things.

I have placed him on a pedestal and regarded him as a kind of hero.

This morning, I woke up to the shocking news that Pistorius has been arrested, and faces a murder charge in connection with the shooting death of his girlfriend, model Reeva Steenkamp. The incident happened in his house at about three in the morning. Neighbours heard screaming and shouting followed by gunshots. The couple were the only people in the house at the time, and Pistorius is the registered owner of the gun that was used to kill his girlfriend.

Around the world, companies are trying to decide how to manage their professional relationships with Pistorius. Some are pulling ads featuring the athlete; others are adopting a wait-and-see attitude. Public reactions are all over the map. Some say this tragedy was a terrible accident, while others are referring to Pistorius as a cold-blooded killer. Distressingly, some tasteless jokes – yes, jokes in the wake of this terrible incident – are circulating on the Internet.

And what of bloggers like myself? Over the last few months, I have posted several things in support of Oscar Pistorius, not only here on my blog, but on my Facebook page and my Twitter feed. I received an email from a reader today asking if I intended to remove those postings or speak out against what Pistorius did.

My answer, quite simply, is that I don’t know what Pistorius did. I’m not even willing to venture a guess or express an opinion – not until more is known about what happened. I do not intend to glorify him and insist that he couldn’t have willfully murdered the deceased, nor am I going to demonize him and say he must have done it. I just don’t know. None of us do, and I am not willing to join those who are already starting to try him in the court of public opinion.

Like some of those international companies, I am going to follow this story as closely as I can, and I am going to just wait and see.

(Photo credit: Nick J Webb. This picture has a creative commons attribution license.)

Filed Under: Disability, Oscar Pistorius, Reeva Steenkamp, running Tagged With: , , , , , , , ,
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The Liebster Award – Questions and Answers

February 10, 2013 By

The two wonderful ladies who nominated me for the Liebster Award each gave me eleven questions to answer. I didn’t want to include my answers in yesterday’s post, because that was already running to over 900 words.

Here are the questions Maya asked me, along with my answers.

1. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? My difficulty with food. I have some long-standing body image issues and a very uncomfortable relationship with food. I have tried countless ways to permanently fix my eating habits, and I have finally come to the conclusion that this might be something I have to take up with my therapist.

2. High heels, sneakers or flip flops? Sneakers!

3. The beach, the city or the mountain? The beach. I love the energy of the sea along with the hot sun.

4. Who is your favourite singer/group? I enjoy many artists, but the one I always come back to is Queen. When Freddie Mercury died, the world lost a man with phenomenal talent.

5. If you could vacation anywhere (cost is not a consideration), where would you go and why? South Africa. I’d have a good long vacation there to see my mom and brother, and other family members and friends. And I’d get my fix of hot sunshine and Highveld storms.

6. Do you mind that my blog is sometimes snarky? Nope. I can handle snark as long as it’s honest.

7. What is the one thing we would be surprised to know about you? My job involves a lot of interaction and a certain amount of conflict (all very professional, of course), and I find this incredibly difficult because I have social anxiety issues.

8. Favourite guilty-pleasure TV show? Friends. Last time I had to take sick days from work, I hunkered down in the front of the TV with my Friends DVD set.

9. Favourite book or author? This may sound really lame, but I absolutely love Dr. Seuss – even at my age. I love the rhythm of his books, and his quotes are the absolute best.

10. Do you admit to having a favourite child? No, but when they’re misbehaving, they do conveniently become my husband’s kids.

11. If you could replace your life with one from the Disney Channel, which show would you pick? I don’t know what’s on the Disney Channel, but I wouldn’t mind being the guy in Blues Clues for a day. I’d have a good long conversation with that talking mailbox. But only for a day. I wouldn’t be able to handle the psychedelic world for longer than that.

And here are the questions that Phaedra asked me, along with my answers.

1. Speed work. Love it or loathe it? Love it. It can definitely be painful, but I love having a specific goal for my runs, and the feeling of accomplishment at the end is great.

2. How did you get into running? The first time round, it was part of a quest to quit smoking and get healthy. The second time, I was (and still am) motivated by the opportunity to raise funds for kids with autism.

3. What is your one guilty pleasure? Most evenings, when the kids are in bed, I sip on a glass of wine while winding down from my busy day.

4. If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be and why? I’m pretty happy where I am, to be honest. I love Toronto, and although waiting lists do my head in sometimes, autism services in Ontario are pretty good.

5. Do you have a bucket list? If so, what’s #1 on it? Yes, I do have a bucket list. The #1 item is to run the Cape Town Marathon. I only want to do one full marathon, and that one is it.

6. What piece of gear could you not live without? Hands-down, this has to be my Garmin training watch.

7. Do you have a bad habit you want to break? I’m always too rushed (or too lazy, let’s be honest) to put on Bodyglide before heading out for my long runs. As a result, my oversized boobs get shredded to ribbons from the chafing.

8. What is your go-to pre-race meal? Two slices of whole-grain toast with peanut butter, and a good-sized cup of coffee.

9. Do you prefer to run in cold or the heat? I’ll run in just about anything, but I do love summer running. The only weather condition that I absolutely loathe running in is strong wind.

10. What do you love about running? I have figured out what duration and intensity it takes for me to achieve the Runners High, and it’s always worth it. The big thing for me – and the thing that keeps me motivated during runs that are not going well – is the feeling of accomplishment at the end.

11. Are you a solo runner or do you run with a group? I always run by myself, mostly because my schedule doesn’t really allow me to run with other people. I like running alone, but company would be nice on the occasional run.

Now, I get to make up eleven questions for the people I have nominated. Here’s what I would like to know.

1. How much time do you spend on the Internet each day (no judgment, I promise!)

2. What is the dumbest thing you ever did?

3. What is the smartest thing you ever did?

4. If you had to entrust one person with a winning lottery ticket, who would it be?

5. What is your earliest childhood memory?

6. What one thing (if anything) would you change about your physical appearance?

7. When did you last hand-write a letter to someone?

8. Have you ever had a falling-out with your best friend, and did you make it up?

9. If you could have any job in the world (regardless of qualifications needed), what would it be?

10. BlackBerry, Android or iPhone?

11. If you could have dinner with any famous person, living or dead, who would it be and why?

Filed Under: Liebster Award, Questions Tagged With: , , ,
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The Liebster Award

February 9, 2013 By

From time to time, I read blog posts in which the authors say that they write for themselves, and that they’re not too concerned with how other people view their writing. I may have even said something along those lines myself at some stage. But who am I kidding? I do write primarily for the psychological benefit it brings to me, but of course I care about what other people think. As a writer, I like to have an audience, and I want that audience to like me. I want them to be able to identify in some way with what I’m saying, and I want them to come back.

And so when I get evidence that people like my blog, that makes me happy. Like when not one, but two fellow bloggers bestow a Liebster Award upon me (I’ll explain in a bit). Or when a popular Canadian website aimed at women features me in a write-up about inspiring mom bloggers.

It is so cool – and such an honour – that in these busy times, there are people who not only read what I have to say, but take the time to tell others about my blog. I am immensely grateful to Sheelagh from SheKnows Canada for featuring me in her article, and I am grateful to Maya (Musings of a Marfan Mom) and Phaedra (Blisters and Black Toenails) for the Liebster Award.

The Liebster Award is a very neat thing that bloggers do for each other. When you receive the award, you acknowledge the person who gave it to you, and then pass it on to seven other bloggers that you love. It’s a way for bloggers to give each other a shout-out.

My nominees – in no particular order – are as follows:

1. Sweet B’s Blog: This blog is written by my friend Margie who is awesome. There’s no other way of putting it. She did not post very often last year, but that’s only because she was working towards a Bachelors degree while working full-time and raising two busy boys.

2. Blog By The Phoenix: Authored by another friend of mine who will remain unidentified to protect her privacy, there is a lot of bravery here. It’s a fairly new blog, and health concerns have limited my friend’s ability to post as often as she’d like, but it’s well worth a read.

3. Kloppenmum: Karyn lives in New Zealand, enjoys coffee by day and wine by night, and is an awesome mom. She offers some keen insights into the minds of children, and what we as parents can do to bring out the best in our kids.

4. Beautiful Side of Hectic: I met Cheryl at Blissdom Canada last year, and we spent a bit of time swapping special needs parenting war stories. Cheryl is the mom of two girls, one of whom has Cerebral Palsy. Her blog offers us glimpses into her life and also includes some giveaways.

5. Nolie’s Place: Nolie is a military wife (and I am SO grateful to her and her husband for what they do) and mom to two boys. She writes about whatever happens to be on her mind, and she ALSO hosts some awesome giveaways. I roomed with her at Blissdom Canada and had an absolutely delightful time.

6. Behindhersmile’s Blog: Michelle is a former co-worker, former carpool partner and definitely-not-former friend. She proactively tries to educate people about healthy eating, to encourage us to set a good example for our kids.

7. Olordyimforty!! SarahJeanne has three things in common with me. She is an autism mom, she runs to raise funds for autism, AND one of her kids was born on Christmas Day. Besides, how can you not love a blog that has exclamation points in its name?

The next thing I’m supposed to do as part of receiving the Liebster Award is tell you eleven random things about myself.

1. I have a Bachelors degree in psychology, and I’ve just started post-graduate studies in writing.

2. One day when I was about four, I pulled out all my hair and ate it. No-one knows why.

3. I’m afraid of spiders, ladders and the Bloor Viaduct (when the subway goes over it you look down and see very little between you and the river below).

4. I cannot use a can opener (unless it’s electric). My excuse is that I’m a left-handed person in a right-handed can-opener world.

5. Someday I want to take a trip up to the northernmost part of Canada to see the Northern Lights.

6. When I was working on a farm in Israel, I discovered that I am severely allergic to mangoes.

7. I started blogging because of my friend Tim, who recognized that I needed a place of my own to talk about the challenges of autism parenting. Tim, sadly, is no longer with us, but a piece of him will always be in this blog.

8. I was born in South Africa and have lived in several countries. I have been in Canada since August, 2000.

9. I was proposed to about five minutes after I became a Canadian citizen.

10. My first car was an ancient Renault that I named Clare De Lune. That car took me through my student days and well into my 20’s. I eventually sold it, and as far as I know it’s still on the road.

11. I don’t have much of a sweet tooth, but I’ll always cave at the sight of cheesecake. Every. Single. Time.

There’s one more thing I have to do for the Liebster Award. Check back tomorrow for a question-and-answer session!

Filed Under: blogging, Liebster Award, Random Facts, She Knows Canada Tagged With: , , , , , ,
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Autism and Bedtime: 11 Steps For Not Going Completely Insane

February 2, 2013 By

 

The Hyperactive Neurotypical Child

Since the beginning of time, when Adam and Eve got talked into eating an apple by a psychotic snake, women – and to a lesser extent, men – have been pondering the same question. It is a question that crosses all geographic, ethnic, cultural and religious boundaries, one that unites mothers in a way that nothing else can.

How am I going to get this child to sleep?

When there’s a child with autism in the family, that question crops up with frightening regularity. It becomes an automatic response to just about everything. Here’s a typical conversation between husband and wife while the kid with autism bounces on the ceiling like a yo-yo:

Husband: What should we have for dinner tonight?

Wife: How am I going to get this child to sleep?

Husband: Ummm. I don’t know. So, dinner. What do you think? Chinese takeout?

Wife: Sure, sure. How am I —

Husband: Do you want chop suey or chow mein?

Wife (sobbing): How am I going to get this child to slee-eee-eeeeeep?

Husband (fumbling awkwardly with takeout menu): OK, I’ll just order something.

For you autism parents who are feeling a little desperate, I offer you my Bedtime Survival Tips.

1) Make sure you have wine. You won’t need it for the bedtime ordeal itself, but it will a great reward for you to give yourself if when the kids get to sleep.

2) About two hours before bedtime, sweetly ask the fruits of your loins to put on their pajamas. You’ll have to ask both of them about a gazillion times before they comply, so the more lead time you give yourself, the better.

3) An hour before bedtime, calmly talk to the Hyperactive Neurotypical Child and ask him to put on his pajamas. If When he argues on the grounds that his brother doesn’t have pajamas on, explain to him that you need him to lead by example. Bribe him with a donut.

4) Send your husband out to buy donuts.

5) Repeatedly tell the Autie to put on his pajamas, with your voice gradually increasing in pitch and panic. Right before you hit your breaking point, sob with relief when you hear your husband return with the donuts. Armed with your confectionary currency, coax your kids into their pajamas and then give them their reward. Fail to care when they wipe their gooey hands all over the fronts of their nice clean pajamas.

6) Sergeant-Major the kids into the bathroom one at a time to pee and brush their teeth. Do the Autie first. If you do the Hyperactive Neurotypical Child first, the Autie will head for the hills and you won’t see him until next Christmas.

7) Get the kids their bedtime milk. Remember to break a Melatonin capsule into the Autie’s milk, otherwise he will spend the entire night gleefully and vigourously rubbing the top of your head.

8) Channel the days when you used to herd cats and get your kids moving in the general direction of their rooms. Naively believe the Hyperactive Neurotypical Child when he says he’ll quietly try to go to sleep.

9) Kiss the little darlings goodnight and retreat into the living room. If When one of them makes a sudden appearance by your side, calmly shepherd them back to bed.

10) Repeat Step Nine 84 times.

11) When there has not been any activity for three geological eras, you can safely assume that the kids are asleep. Pour some of the wine from Step One into a glass and drink. If you’re feeling really frazzled, cut out the middleman and just drink straight from the bottle.

(Photo credit: Kirsten Doyle)

Filed Under: autism, Bedtime, Children, Humour, parenting Tagged With: , , , , , , ,
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Ten Little Teddy Bears And Other Echolalic Utterings

January 25, 2013 By

About six years ago, when my older son was almost 4, I got all excited when I heard him say the phrase, “Ten little teddy bears.” He had virtually no vocabulary in those days, and he almost never spoke. And here he was, uttering a four-word phrase. This was indeed a cause for celebration.

Of course, this happened in a simpler time, when everyone assumed that my son had nothing more than a speech delay. The word “autism” had only made it into my personal orbit as a possibility to be in complete denial about. What? Autism? No way! He just has a speech delay, he’ll catch up!

When we got the autism diagnosis, we found out about echolalia, defined by Wikipedia as “the automatic repetition of vocalizations made by another person.” All kids do it at some point, but most outgrow it. Kids with autism keep at it with admirable dedication, sometimes for years and years. The words being repeated may change, but the concept remains the same.

Ten little teddy bears stayed with us for some time, eventually giving way to phrases related to Bob the Builder and Mr. Potato Head.

I used to think that as the frequency of George’s contextually correct speech increased, it would edge out the echolalia, but that has not been the case. George definitely talks more. He has an extensive vocabulary, and although he hardly ever talks in a social context and still cannot participate in a conversation, he does make requests using full sentences. There is plenty of room for George’s contextual speech to coexist with echolalia.

Over the years, we have been treated to song lyrics, phrases from YouTube videos, sentences uttered by teachers and things that have been said at home.

“Bob dropped the eggs. What a mess.”

“I need Dizzy, Lofty and Muck.”

“No pushing, no kicking, no hitting.”

“Well it’s a sunny day. I feel brand new.”

Some of the echolalia is charming, and it’s thrilling to hear my child utter any words at all. But it is a little disheartening to know that a lot of what he says does not have any meaning or context behind it.

The latest echolalia is not charming. It takes the form of a single word – a word that I would not use on this blog if it weren’t a pivotal part of the story.

Fuck.

I freely admit that it is my fault. Although I try my best to be aware of my choice of words when the kids are around, from time to time I slip up with the F-bombs. It happens rarely, but the kid only has to hear a word once.

At first it was simple repetition, and we responded in the same way we’ve responded to all other echolalia: by ignoring it. Sure, it wasn’t fun to listen to this word being said over and over ad nauseum, but for a while, the best reaction was no reaction at all. Many autism experts agree that any response at all, even a negative reaction, can be perceived by the child as positive reinforcement.

This tactic lost its effectiveness when George got wind of the fact that fuck is that most tempting of things: a Bad Word.

We are now dealing with a child who gleefully yells, “Oh FUCK!” and then runs away in fits of giggles.

Ignoring it no longer works. You know that persistence and single-mindedness that many people with autism display?

Yeah. George’s ability to laughingly repeat the word is greater than my ability to ignore it.

Reprimands don’t work, and in fact, just aggravate the situation and make it funnier from George’s perspective.

The only thing left is the dreaded removal of privileges. I really don’t want to go this route because there will be a meltdown for sure, but I may not have a choice.

Unless, as someone on Facebook suggested, he actually uses the word in context. If that happens, I might just throw a party.

How do you handle inappropriate language in your typically or not-so-typically developing children?

(Photo credit: Vectorportal. This picture has a creative commons attribution license.)

Filed Under: autism, Echolalia, parenting, Speech Tagged With: , , , , ,
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In Pursuit Of A Dream

January 17, 2013 By

When I finished high school 25 years ago, I had the idea that I would become a research psychologist. I was interested in the clinical aspect of it, but I did not think it would suit my socially awkward personality. If I went into research, though, I would be able to satisfy my desire to try and figure out what makes people tick. In some small way, I might even be able to make the world a better place.

I graduated high school with good grades and went off to university to pursue a Bachelors degree with a psychology major.

You know how life has this way of barging in and messing up all your plans?

Life barged in and messed up all my plans. During my second year at university, I met someone who I initially thought was charming, but who turned out to be a chaotic and disruptive force. I compare that part of my life with a tsunami. A gigantic wave rushes in and knocks over everything in its path. When the water recedes, the landscape is completely different. Some things have been turned upside down, others have completely disappeared. Virtually nothing is recognizable, and the only way to move forward is through a process of recovery and reinvention.

One thing is clear: after such a disruption, nothing can ever be the same again.

I did finish my Bachelors degree, but I abandoned the dream. I did not have good enough grades to pursue further studies, and even if that weren’t the case, my sense of self had been so completely obliterated that it would not have been possible.

In the 20-odd years since then, a lot has happened. I spent some time drifting, both metaphorically in my own mind and literally through travel, and eventually washed up in a career. I moved to Canada, had children, got married. I have buried my father, been thrust into the role of special needs mom, started running and discovered a passion for writing.

I have a lot to be thankful for, including the fact that in spite of the storm that I endured all those years ago, I have managed to make a life for myself. There has always been an undertone of regret, though. Regret for the poor decisions I made back then, and regret for the fact that I had a dream that got swept away. While the career I did end up in has been pretty good, I have never been able to shake the feeling that this is not what I want to do, that I have been living my whole adult life in response to things that happened a long time ago.

Maybe I cannot pursue the dreams I had back then. Maybe those dreams belong in the past along with all the ugly stuff that happened there.

What about new dreams, though? Is there anything stopping me from pursuing them?

In a move that has surprised absolutely no-one except myself, I have made the decision to go back to school. I have enrolled in a post-graduate certificate in fiction and non-fiction writing, and this will be followed up with a Masters degree in creative writing.

It is daunting. Quite apart from the extra time commitment that this will involve, my mind keeps drifting back to how my first shot at a university education went so wrong. I freely admit that I am scared. A part of me feels like that naive kid who made dumb choices. On the other hand, though, this might be a chance of personal redemption, an opportunity to get it right.

I owe this to myself, and I owe it to that scared, overwhelmed kid of long ago who gave up a dream.

(Photo credit: Raoul Luoar. This picture has a creative commons attribution license.)
Filed Under: Dreams, life, School, Second Chances, Trauma Tagged With: , , , , , ,
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Autism And The Ontario Teacher Dispute

January 10, 2013 By

Going back to school after a two-week vacation is hard, especially for a child with autism whose routines have been completely turned upside-down by unaccustomed time at home, unaccustomed time in a hotel, and the whole Christmas ordeal.

This week has been rough for both of my kids, particularly my firstborn. George reacts to changes in his routine by not sleeping, which means I haven’t had anything remotely approaching a good night’s sleep since before Christmas. Now that the kids are back at school, and familiar rituals and schedules have resumed, the sleep issues are slowly but surely diminishing. Usually it takes a couple of weeks for the status quo to fully return.

This time round, though, there are a couple of wrinkles that are likely to hamper our return to our own odd version of normality. One of the wrinkles is actually a very positive one: for the next few Wednesdays, George will be attending a social skills program after school.

On the one hand, he gets to go to the therapy centre that was his home-away-from-home for three years. It’s a place he knows and loves, and the program is one that he desperately needs.

On the other hand, he has not set foot in the therapy centre since he was discharged 15 months ago. It is no longer a part of his daily life, and going there is a big change for him. As disruptive as that is for now, his participation in the program represents progress, and we are excited to see where this might take him.

The other wrinkle is a little more contentious in nature. For those not living in Ontario, here’s the short version of the story:

Last year the Premier of Ontario introduced legislation that would have the effect of screwing over the teachers. The teachers’ unions got involved and tried to negotiate a better deal. The inevitable happened – things went nowhere fast and the unions recommended a course of protest action for the teachers.

In December, there was a series of one-day walkouts staged by school boards across the province. By then, pre-Christmas stuff had already started to throw the routines off, so this didn’t really bother us. The biggest effect was that James’ Christmas concert had to be rescheduled to a date that was impossible for me (oh, the guilt!).

The one-day walkouts failed to have the desired effect, and now the teachers are not in a legal position to strike. They can, however, stage a one-day protest (although to be honest, I’m not clear about the difference between the two), and this is exactly what they are planning to do tomorrow.

Looking at the issues alone, my sympathies are with the teachers. They are entrusted with the task of shaping futures, and they deserve some respect. My opinion is kind of moot anyway: regardless of who’s right or wrong, the teachers have to do whatever the unions tell them to.

But speaking as a special needs parent, I have to say that I am kind of miffed at this latest development. At a time when I am trying to get George settled into the flow of a routine that’s already different, an unplanned three-day weekend really throws a monkey-wrench into the works.

That there are issues to be resolved is beyond question. I just wish this could be done in a way that does not impact the kids. I can handle the inconvenience of having adjust our family’s schedule to accommodate the kids not going to school for a day. I can live with them missing out on one day of instruction. In the grand scheme of their educations, a single day is not going to make much difference.

What I find hard to swallow, though, is the fact that special needs kids like George are going to endure an extra dose of stress and anxiety because of this.

I’m not sure what the solution is, but I cannot help thinking that there has to be a way to avoid making children bear the brunt of grown-up problems.

(Photo credit: Pylon757. This picture has a creative commons attribution license.)

Filed Under: Ontario, Politics, School, Teacher, Teacher Strikes Tagged With: , , , , , ,
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2012: Moments To Remember From Around The World

January 8, 2013 By

When I was a kid, New Years Eve was a family occasion. We would all gather – cousins, aunts, uncles and my grandmother – to ring in the New Year together. Everyone would get sparkling wine (even us kids were allowed a token amount) and beneath the stars in the warm South African summer, we would count down to The Big Moment. As the clock stuck midnight, we would toast each other with the sparkling wine, and then we would stand in a circle, link arms and sing Auld Lang Syne.

My mom always cried during these moments, and when I asked her about it once, she answered, “I don’t know why. I just hate New Years Eve.”

As I’ve grown older, I’ve noticed a curious pattern that I suspect my mom unwittingly followed. As December 31st approaches each year, we tend to be tearfully nostalgic for the good things we are leaving behind, but in fear of the bad things we think will be carried forward.

What if we approached it the other way round? What if we decided to leave the bad stuff behind and bring the good stuff into the new year with us?

In that spirit, I recently asked people to tell me about their best moments of 2012.

Alison from Malaysia had a pretty good year as she gave birth to her second child. It doesn’t get much better than new life, does it? She describes her pregnancy as a race, and she got the best possible prize at the end of it.

Like me, Cheryl is a special needs mom living in Ontario. We share many of the same frustrations when it comes to getting services or funding for our kids. Cheryl hit a sweet spot in 2012 when she took on an insurance company and WON! She got a medication covered for her daughter, who has cerebral palsy, and she helped pave the way for thousands of other parents in a similar situation.

I can also relate to Melanie from Japan, who’s daughter has difficulty making friends. My son, who has autism, does not have any friends apart from his brother, and I know how hard it is to watch your child sitting alone in the playground simply because he doesn’t know how to make friends. Melanie had a lovely moment last year when her daughter made a new friend.

As parents, we bask in the accomplishments of our children, and Purnima from India shares her young son’s success as he played a key role in his school’s Annual Day Program.

My cousin Gillian (a.k.a. “Mug”), who lives in the back of beyond Tasmania, was given that all-too-rare commodity in 2012: the gift of time. She has a job AND a farm, and judging from some of her adventures, farm animals can sometimes be more wayward than children. So when she was able to start working four days a week instead of five, it was a welcome break for her.

(On a side note, I have a confession. Before Mug moved to Tasmania, I didn’t realize it was an actual place. I thought it was a mythical place with a mythical devil.)

Tania from Puerto Rico did a fair amount of traveling last year. When her husband had to go to Paris on business, she went with him. On the day of their arrival, they went to a live performance by their favourite band, Coldplay. Coldplay has never performed in Puerto Rico, so this was icing on the cake for Tania.

For some people, the best moments of 2012 arose from something bad. Margie from Arkansas had a great year that culminated in her obtaining a hard-earned Bachelors degree. As impressive as that was, it paled in comparison to the time she found out that her fiancee was alive and more or less in one piece after being hit by a car.

Karyn from New Zealand had one of those moments as well, when her eldest son had a surfing accident. All three of her boys handled the crisis remarkably well and made Karyn realize that she can enjoy parenting more, knowing that the groundwork has been laid.

My own year was a perfect example of good moments arising from bad events. In February, a beloved aunt died in a freak accident, and I flew to South Africa to be with family. My time there was bittersweet. There was sadness and shock as we all started the process of calibrating ourselves to a life without someone who had been very much loved. But there were also moments of joy and laughter, of peace and togetherness.

One moment in particular stands out for me.

My brother and I went to see a movie together. This in itself was a momentous occasion, not only because my brother and I hardly ever spend time together on account of living on different continents, but because it had been years since I had seen a movie made by someone other than Disney Pixar.

After the movie, we went to the rooftop bar of a nearby hotel for a drink. As we sat there talking and enjoying the last of the day’s sunlight together, I realized that this was one of those perfect moments in life – one of those moments that you want to capture and carry around with you forever.

What was your best moment of 2012? What good stuff are you bringing with you into 2013?

(Photo credit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/kevgibbo/706220224. This picture has a creative commons attribution license.)

Filed Under: 2012 Year in Review, Moments, New Year, Positive Attitude Tagged With: , , , , , , , ,
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A Picture of Words

January 1, 2013 By

There is a site called Tagxedo, where you can go to create a word cloud from tags on your blog. You can choose from a large number of colour themes and shapes, and even upload your own picture to use as a base. Playing around here seemed like a good way to spend my New Year’s morning. It’s a lot of fun, and it allows people who cannot draw to save their lives (read: people like me) to channel their inner creativity.

If you’re looking for a pretty picture made of words, head on over and create your own word cloud. Post a picture of it in your blog, and leave me a link in the comments – I would love to see it!

 

Filed Under: Tagxedo, Word Cloud Tagged With: , ,
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A Letter To My 2013 Self

December 29, 2012 By

Dear Me,

This letter comes to you from exactly one year ago. Today is December 29, 2012, and I wonder what you are up to, there on December 29, 2013. Perhaps you’re sitting in this same hotel room I’m in now, reflecting on the year just past and the year that is to come.

What have you accomplished in the last year? You set some pretty lofty goals for 2013. Which of those goals have you accomplished? Which ones did you modify as the year went on, and which ones did you just decide to ditch altogether?

You had a phenomenal running season in 2012, and you were hoping to surpass that in 2013. Did you? Did you beat 2:15 in a half-marathon, and have you broken that elusive one-hour mark in the 10K?

How is the long-term plan to run a marathon in 2015 going? Are you registered for the 2014 Around The Bay 30K? If you’re not, you should get on that soon.

How is work? I hope you have managed to hold onto your job in a time of great uncertainty and many layoffs. Are you making a reasonable supplementary income from your freelance writing?

Here’s a question I feel very weird asking: how is school? I would venture to say that no-one was more surprised than me when you decided to pursue post-graduate studies. By now, you should have completed two courses and you should be preparing for your final exam in a third course. I feel very excited to be embarking on this. A year in, I hope some of that excitement still remains.

And now for a tough question. Have you managed to get a handle on your eating difficulties, or do you still have this intensely uncomfortable relationship with food? You have spent virtually all of your adult life vacillating between eating disorders – it’s about time you sorted this out once and for all. Maybe something in the last year has helped you.

What’s up with the kids? For you, one year in the future from now, George is 10 and James is 8. Did you try the Talkability exercises to get George conversing more? Have you been reading every day with James to help him with his spelling? Did you get them both into swimming lessons like you’ve been wanting to?

And what are your goals for 2014? No matter how good or bad 2013 was to you, I hope you never lose the ability to have hopes and dreams for the future.

Regards,|
Your Younger Self

(Photo credit: Somegeekintn. This picture has a creative commons attribution license.)

Filed Under: 2013 Goals, Children, running, School, Work, Writing Tagged With: , , , , , , , ,
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