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Why I Will Never Break Up With Facebook

April 11, 2013 By

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When I first moved to Canada almost thirteen years ago, the world seemed like a very big place. I had a very hard time adjusting to life in a completely new territory where I did not know a single soul. If I felt lonely, I could no longer get into my car and visit my best friend for coffee. I couldn’t drop in on my parents for an impromptu dinner. I couldn’t call anyone to find out who was going to see which movie or have a drink in which bar. Now, if I felt lonely, I had to sit alone in my apartment in this strange land and just deal with it.

I kept telling myself that this had been my own choice. No-one had coerced me into packing my life into checked baggage and moving halfway across the world. But knowing that didn’t make the process any easier.

Desperate for human contact, I turned to my computer and instant-messaged with anyone I could find online. The most oft-sought-out victim of my off-the-boat neediness was my friend Kane in Michigan, who was endlessly patient and kind even though I must have been a complete pain in the you-know-where from time to time.

That was really the first time that my computer gave me much-needed access to a friend, but it certainly wasn’t the last. At some point over the years, Facebook became an everyday part of life for most people. Admittedly, the word “friend” can be a bit of a misnomer where Facebook is concerned, but I have met some fabulous people online who I count as true friends, even though I have never met them in person. These are folks who have helped me through a pregnancy loss, the death of my father, my son’s autism diagnosis, injuries, illnesses, my bouts of mental messed-up-ness, and a number of other things.

Not only has Facebook helped me forge new friendships, it has enabled me to keep in touch with family members, and with friends I have known for a long time.

It has also provided me with access to an entire autism community. On the days when I want to feel that I am not alone, all I have to do is turn on my laptop, and within a few clicks I am having virtual conversations with people who give me advice, information, encouragement, or whatever else I might be needing. If I’m having a really good day, I am able to use my social networks to help other people who might be feeling overwhelmed or discouraged.

Because I’m human, and humans are given to complaining, I do like to hate on Facebook from time to time. I gripe about having to constantly vet my privacy settings, I lament about unsubstantiated myths and rumours being perpetuated, I whine whenever my timeline’s appearance changes. But at the end of the day – as much as I hate to admit it – I have become reliant on Facebook. Because through Facebook, I can reach so many people who really and truly matter to me.

(Photo credit: jurvetson. This picture has a creative commons attribution license.)

Filed Under: Community, Facebook, Health Activist Writers Month Challenge, Social Media Tagged With: , , , , , , , ,
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Ten Pieces of Stuff About Blissdom

October 31, 2012 By

 

The Pantry Girls with Top Chef Carl Heinrich

Ten days after The Bliss, I am finally sitting down to write about it, and I find myself not knowing where to start. It is impossible to capture everything about an event like Blissdom in a single blog post. Should I talk about the ten best things I learned? A chronological account of the whole weekend? Selected highlights? Profiles of some of the people I met?

Initially, I was going to cheat and collect tweets about Blissdom from fellow delegates. Having just come off a half-marathon, Blissdom, and a three-day autism symposium all in the space of two weeks, I was tired, and I was tempted to write my Blissdom post using the words of other people. With full accreditation, of course.

In the end, I decided to keep it simple – and in my own words –  and talk about Ten Pieces of Stuff About Blissdom, in no particular order. Because putting these into any kind of meaningful sequence could make my brain explode.

1. If you’re planning to leave your kids and husband at home in order to have a relaxing Blissdom weekend, it’s not going to happen. The relaxing part, that is. When you have a gathering of a couple of hundred moms who don’t get out much, the socializing and wine drinking gets a little intense. You will have an awesome time, but you will not be relaxing.

2. There were microsessions on the Saturday morning that I absolutely loved. The microsessions are round table discussions with a small group of people, facilitated by an expert, and it’s an opportunity to really focus on the specifics that apply to you. It was such an honour to meet and talk to renowned Canadian writer Ann Douglas, and I learned a lot from her.

3. I collected many business cards, each representing a new contact. Said business cards are currently sitting in my purse, and I need to spend a bit of time going through them and getting in touch with everyone, so that those contacts stay active. The people I met were awesome, and there is potential to do great things with them in the future.

4. On the Friday morning, some of us were in the studio audience of the Marilyn Denis show, which is a popular Canadian daytime TV talk show. It was fun to be there, and it was interesting to get a behind-the-scenes look at what happens during these shows. Also, my co-workers got a kick out seeing me on TV during my three seconds of fame.

5. At blogging and social media conferences, there is free stuff. A lot of it. I really needed to allow extra space in my bag to bring home the books, the coffee mugs, the pillow, the samples of food, and so on.

6.The costume and karaoke party was a blast. I got into the spirit of things and dressed up as The Flash, but no amount of money would make me take part in the karaoke. It was fun to see other people take the stage, though. It was also fun to see the creative costumes that people were wearing. There was a Christmas tree, Facebook, Cher, Mitt Romney’s binders full of women, and much more. I was one of a posse of superheroes, but on that particular night, we all took a much-needed break from fighting crime and saving the world.

7. As a slightly neurotic person with social anxiety issues, I was not wild about the idea of sharing a room with people I did not know. But my roomies – Nolie and Jenn – were fantastic to spend time with. They were an essential part of my Blissdom experience and I am immensely grateful to them for putting up with me.

8.Due to the aforementioned neurosis and social anxiety, I tend to feel a little out of place when I’m among other people. I envy the ability of others to converse with ease with complete strangers, and I feel awkward as I stand in a quiet corner with my wine, desperately scanning the room for someone I might know. At Blissdom, I did not feel this way. I was among other writers, many of whom are just as introverted and socially anxious as me. I felt as if I was hanging out with my own kind. Ironically, being with fellow introverts helped draw me out of myself a little.

9. On the Friday night, I went out to dinner as part of a group that christened itself the Pantry Girls. Our dinner was prepared by the winner of Top Chef Canada, and it was outstanding. The food was good, the wine was good, and the company was a lot of fun. We were in an alcove area that appeared to function at least partially as a pantry, hence the name of our little group.

10. The whole weekend was capped off with a wine-tasting excursion in the Niagara region on the Sunday. I almost bailed – I had gone to bed at about two in the morning and woke up with a hangover for the second consecutive day. Was more wine really what I needed? In the end, my inner wine affectionado prevailed and I had a great day.

Now I am left with memories, a ton of people to contact, Blissdom swag. I am also left with the goal of losing some weight before next year’s Blissdom with the intention of being a slicker looking Flash!

(Photo credit: Kirsten Doyle)

Filed Under: Blissdom Canada, blogging, Conference, Social Media, Uncategorized Tagged With: , , , , ,
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Small Bloggers In A Big Pond

October 8, 2011 By

Yesterday I had the opportunity to attend an event called Social Media Masters. It was a one-day conference featuring experts from all over North America, who gave presentations about how businesses and entrepreneurs can effectively use social media. I went in my capacity as a freelance writer, to see if I could learn how to leverage tools like Facebook and Twitter, not only for myself, but for clients.

The sessions did not disappoint. Some of them were geared more to large corporations than to individuals trying to make it on their own, but I learned from all of the presentations and exchanged contact information with some people who could play a pivotal role in the realization of some of my goals.

Interestingly, the refreshment and lunch breaks provided just as much of an education as the sessions themselves did. I found myself talking to all kinds of people about how they use and monitor social media. These breaks provided a fertile ground for the exchange of ideas.

At one point, I was sitting drinking my coffee, listening to the conversation around me but not actively participating in it. It became clear to me, from the snippets of conversation that I was hearing, that there is a definite pecking order in the blogging world. I have been vaguely aware of this before, and I have in fact read blog posts addressing the subject, but I had not really appreciated just how cutthroat the blogging world can be.

At the top of pile you get the “big” bloggers, the ones who attract thousands of visitors a day, and whose posts generate hundreds of comments. At the bottom are the new bloggers who are trying desperately to gain some kind of following. They religiously comment on other blogs and they tweet like crazy in order to drive traffic their way. And somewhere in the middle are the bloggers who have been at it for a while. They have a few subscribers and most of their posts will generate a handful of comments. But try as they might, they just cannot seem to hit the blogging big time.

Many of these bloggers are perfectly content to stay where they are. Perhaps they feel that a huge following would put them under pressure to cater to what the blogosphere masses want instead of being true to themselves. Or maybe they just don’t have the time to read and respond to hundreds of comments.

For those who are trying to make it big, though, the road can be tough. The blogging world can be an incredibly cliquey place, kind of like high school. If you’re a big fish, you hang around with the other big fish, and the circle is so tight that it’s virtually impossible for the not-so-big-fish to break into the ranks.

This is not intended as an indictment against the big fish – I know several of them and like them a great deal. I am simply stating a reality of human nature. We tend to spend our time in circles of people we have something in common with. The more common grounds there are, the stronger the circle.

So where do I fit in with all of this? I am a not a big fish, not by any means, but I am not a baby fish either. I am a medium-sized fish. I put up a blog post three or four times a week. I have some subscribers, and many people follow my blog through social media. I get several hundred hits a month and most of my posts generate comments. A decent number of them gets shared or retweeted. Sometimes a blog post will earn me a new subscriber or a new follower on Twitter.

I am content to be where I am in the blogging world. I feel that my blog and my online presence are growing at just the right pace. I care about my readership and I want to continue to create content that engages people.

This blog is mostly about parenting, autism and running. But from time to time – like today – a different topic will grab my interest. I am very fortunate to have a forum where I am free to talk about the things that are important to me.

I am grateful to everyone who takes the time to visit my little kingdom to read what I have to say.

Filed Under: blogging, Social Media Tagged With: , , ,