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The Challenges Of Autism Family Vacations

July 23, 2013 By

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It’s a word that brings smiles of anticipation to most families, but strikes fear into the hearts of autism parents everywhere.

Vacation.

For your average garden-variety family, a vacation is a chance to get away from the stresses of work and school, to travel to a scenic place, and to do things that are exciting and different. For your average autism family, a vacation is a chance to get away from the comforting familiarity of work and school, to travel to an unfamiliar place full of strangers, and to try desperately to do the same things you do at home, while cramming your entire family into a single hotel room.

For autism families, vacations are not vacations. Vacations are stressful ordeals that leave parents more worn out than if they had simply stayed at home.

But still, we do it. We put ourselves and our kids through the angst of disrupted routines, unknown places and new experiences, because we feel that it is good for our kids. We recognize that we will never be able to enjoy a vacation away if we don’t at least try. And for some of us, it gets easier. Maybe our kids gradually get used to the idea of going away, or maybe us parents get better at figuring out ways to make it work.

The key to what I very loosely call my own “success” is in the planning. Am I packing enough shirts with horizontal stripes? Do I have an extra hat just in case my son loses the one he has? Do we have the right Lego pieces and Mr. Potato Head parts? Spare batteries for the Leap Pad? The pillow and comforter? The DVDs and something to play them on? Am I catering to the needs of my typical son as well as my son with autism?

Then there’s the logistics of the trip itself. We plan what to bring in the car for the drive. We call the hotel to arrange special check-in arrangements so my son doesn’t have to spend too much time in a loud, brightly lit lobby in an unfamiliar place. We call a gazillion restaurants to get a sense of whether they are suitable environments for a child with autism who is already overwhelmed.

By the time we actually get there, we’re all exhausted and cranky, and not really in a vacation kind of mindset.

My dream is to have a family vacation that actually feels like a vacation, and I am starting to think in terms of all-inclusive vacation deals like the ones offered by Club Med. It wouldn’t take all the vacation stress away, but it would at least mean that some of the planning was taken care of.

And if that means that we can truly enjoy a vacation together as a family, and come home feeling refreshed and relaxed, I’ll take it.

This is an original post by Kirsten Doyle, published in accordance with my disclosure policy. Photo credit to the author.

Filed Under: autism, family, Planning, Vacation Tagged With: , , , , , ,
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Dream A Little Dream

April 14, 2012 By

I am participating in the Health Activist Writers Month Challenge, in which I publish a post every day for the month of April, based on health-related prompts.

April 14 – My dream day: Describe your ideal day. How would you spend your time? Who would you spend it with? Have you had this day? If not – how could you make it happen?

Summer 2008

My perfect day…

It is a hot day and the sun is shining brightly. We are on a beach with lots of soft white sand, and the sound of the Atlantic waves fills our ears.

It is our first proper family holiday. I am with my husband and my two children, who at 2 and 4 years, are the perfect age for children to really enjoy a day at the beach. My brother is there too, and so is my mom, who has flown in from South Africa to be with us.

George, who is almost five, has found a new hobby. He lies down on the slope leading down to the water and he rolls himself down, down, down until he feels the waves kissing his body. Then he jumps up, and squealing with delight, he runs back up the slope to do it all again.

Not only is this fun for him, the physical motion of what he is doing seems to give him some kind of sensory input – something that many children with autism crave.

Two-year-old James and I are sitting near the water’s edge, and I am teaching him how to build a sand castle. I use the little shovel to put damp sand into the bucket. I pack it down as tightly as I can, and then turn the bucket upside down. I lift it off and we are left with a perfect tower for our castle. James stands up, and giggling like it’s the funniest thing in the world, he turns around and lets his bum go Plop! right on the tower.

“Again!” he shrieks, laughing so hard he can hardly talk. “Again, again, again!”

So we do it again. And again, and again, and again. We are not making any progress with the sand castle, but we are having a lot of fun.

My husband is in the water, doing battle with the waves. His life has not afforded him much opportunity to swim in the ocean – real ocean with big waves that raise you up and move with you and crash over your head. He turns and waves; I wave back and laugh as a wave hits him side-on, knocking him down.

I see my mom and brother in the distance, returning from a walk along the beach. They meander slowly to me, taking their time, and sit down beside me, James and George, who has finally tired of his roll-down-the-slope game. My husband comes out of the water and joins us. We discuss dinner plans, wonder whether we need to stop on the way back to the house for wine, and bury the kids up to their waists in sand, much to their amusement.

We are together. We are happy. We are family.

Later, as I am riding the waves, I think that there is only one thing stopping this day from being complete, and that is the absence of my dad. But then, as the ocean swirls around me – the same ocean in which Dad’s ashes were scattered thousands of miles away – I look around me, at the sunshine and the white beach where the people I love most are clustered around a smushed-up sandcastle.

As the laughter of my children floats through the air and reaches me, I think that Dad is probably with us after all.

(Photo credit: Kirsten Doyle)

Filed Under: Beach, Children, family, Health Activist Writers Month Challenge, Vacation, WEGO Health Tagged With: , , , , , ,