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Reflections In Shiny Buildings

March 2, 2011 By

This morning, as is my custom, I went to Tim Hortons straight from the subway, to get my morning coffee (one of my morning coffees, anyway). From Tim Hortons, it is about a two-minute walk to the office – a walk that takes me past tall buildings with shiny, reflective exteriors. As I was walking, I glanced up and caught a reflection of myself.

I did not like what I saw.

I was walking along, shoulders hunched forward, head down, looking at the sidewalk right in front of my feet. It was a posture of utter dejection. The word defeated was written all over every inch of me.

I have been having a hard time lately. I have been going through a series of mini-crises, and even though I’ve always known that I can survive them, while they’re happening they leave me feeling absolutely steamrolled. There has been much stress and anxiety. I’ve been in the kind of state where the slightest kind word instantly makes my eyes spring a leak.

When I saw myself reflected in the building this morning, looking crushed by life, I thought to myself, Enough of this crap. I can’t be walking around looking like a wet breakfast. What kind of message does that portray to the world around me? And how can I possibly expect to build up my self-confidence when I cannot even walk down the road with my head held high?

Now, I cannot control all of the things that are going on in my life right now. But I can control the way I walk.  So immediately, I squared my shoulders and raised my eyes to face the world head-on.

I’ll be honest, it felt a little bit scary. But it also made me feel just a little bit stronger, a little bit more empowered.

I think I’ll do that every day from now on. When I’m walking down the road, or down the hallways at work, or wherever, I will not let my shoulders droop, and I will not be afraid to look the world square in the eye. Well, I might be a little afraid, but I’ll do it anyway.

I cannot help but think that simply making an effort to walk like a strong, confident person will help me to actually be a strong, confident person.

This too shall pass. Soon, the real me will be back. I might just be on my way already.

Filed Under: life Tagged With: , , , , , , , ,
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Good News In Troubled Times

February 28, 2011 By

This morning I received a very nice email. I knew it would be a nice email because it had the word “Congratulations!” in the subject line. Complete with the exclamation point. It is reasonable to assume that an email with a “Congratulations” and a “!” in the subject line won’t be about anything bad.

The email was to inform me that my bid for a writing job had been accepted. In other words, someone read my portfolio (comprised largely of articles from this blog), liked what they saw, and now wants to pay me to write an article for them. Not only did I win the bid, I beat out sixteen other people. And here’s the kicker. It’s the first bid I placed. EVER!

At a time when my self-confidence and my self-esteem are both at a low ebb, this is welcome news indeed.

I have been going through some rough times lately. Not falling-off-a-cliff rough, but falling-down-and-spraining-an-ankle rough. I will get through it – I have handled a lot worse than this and survived. But at this moment in time, while the bad burny stuff is happening, my nerves are shot and my digestive system is in flitters.

The idea that someone thinks that I have something of value to offer is like a soothing balm to a deeply troubled soul. It’s like a vitamin pill for that weakened self-esteem.

The fact that this is a job I can definitely handle, and do very well at, is like an energy boost for the self-confidence that has been flagging.

Maybe this will be just the thing I’ve been needing to get back on my feet and climb over the obstacles that are in my way.

At the very least, it will give me the strength to take a few baby-steps forward.

Filed Under: Writing Tagged With: , , , , ,
post

Good News In Troubled Times

February 28, 2011 By

This morning I received a very nice email. I knew it would be a nice email because it had the word “Congratulations!” in the subject line. Complete with the exclamation point. It is reasonable to assume that an email with a “Congratulations” and a “!” in the subject line won’t be about anything bad.

The email was to inform me that my bid for a writing job had been accepted. In other words, someone read my portfolio (comprised largely of articles from this blog), liked what they saw, and now wants to pay me to write an article for them. Not only did I win the bid, I beat out sixteen other people. And here’s the kicker. It’s the first bid I placed. EVER!

At a time when my self-confidence and my self-esteem are both at a low ebb, this is welcome news indeed.

I have been going through some rough times lately. Not falling-off-a-cliff rough, but falling-down-and-spraining-an-ankle rough. I will get through it – I have handled a lot worse than this and survived. But at this moment in time, while the bad burny stuff is happening, my nerves are shot and my digestive system is in flitters.

The idea that someone thinks that I have something of value to offer is like a soothing balm to a deeply troubled soul. It’s like a vitamin pill for that weakened self-esteem.

The fact that this is a job I can definitely handle, and do very well at, is like an energy boost for the self-confidence that has been flagging.

Maybe this will be just the thing I’ve been needing to get back on my feet and climb over the obstacles that are in my way.

At the very least, it will give me the strength to take a few baby-steps forward.

Filed Under: Writing Tagged With: , , , , ,